A ridiculous amount of time has passed since my last post and truth be told, I don't have an excuse. I just didn't feel like writing, but tonight as I sat here in my apartment and spent time in the Word I came across something that I wanted to share.
I was reading in Romans 1 when I came to verse 16. Anyone who has grown up in the church has probably heard this verse a hundred times and I am no exception. I am pretty sure I even recited it from memory to adults on multiple occasions when I was a kid. However, I had never really taken the time to think about what it means to be unashamed. Romans 1:16 says "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes..."
Tonight as I read this verse, I began to think about the apostle Paul and what unashamed looked like in his life. Paul was imprisoned, run out of town, called a fool, and even stoned. However, despite all of this he refused to stop preaching truth to anyone who would listen. He didn't care what the consequences might be. As I think about how this applies to my own life I have to ask myself: am I really unashamed? If I am unashamed doesn't that mean I tell everyone I know about what Christ has done for me? So why do I remain silent? Well, to be honest, I let the fear of rejection keep me from speaking up. I think this is something that a lot of believers struggle with, but why? Psalm 118:6 says "The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Romans 8:31 says "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" The God of the universe is on my side! He is on your side if you have put your faith and trust in him as Savior! Fear is not a good enough reason not to share. I pray that God will give me the courage to be bold and share truth with those He has put in my path.
As most of you probably know, I am currently student teaching. I am in my second placement, which is a special education placement in what is considered a rougher school district. To say the least, it has been a very eye opening experience for me. It is heartbreaking to hear what some of these kids have been through in their short lives! It is even more heartbreaking to see how it affects them on a daily basis. There is one particular student who is making this experience more of a challenge than I had expected. After my first week in the classroom, I hadn't seen any outbursts from this student and thought that if I just showed him that I care about him that maybe things would improve for him.
My attitude changed last week after seeing two outbursts, one of which was aggressive toward the teacher. Immediately after the first outburst of swearing (he had not been aggressive this time),I began to pray for him. It brought tears to my eyes to hear such angry words out of such a young boy. After the second outburst (he swore and threw an object at the teacher's face) I began to feel my heart change toward this boy. I became afraid and almost angry toward him. However, after the message on Sunday (from Nehemiah) and my devotions tonight I have been deeply convicted about my attitude toward a child who deeply needs to be shown the love of Christ.
It is not my job to change the heart of this little boy. Only God can do that. However, I am called to love him. That being said, I realize that at this point, all I can really do is pray that God can help me see this child the same way he does and that He would change the boy's heart. Rather than question why God is allowing me to be in this classroom, I need to be asking Him to use me, whether it be in the life of this particular student or someone else in the school. I am where I am for a reason and I need to view it as an opportunity rather than a burden. I am so thankful for a God who cares enough to reveal my sinful heart! Not only that, but He sent His son to live a perfect life and take the penalty for my sin upon Himself, so that I might spend eternity with Him. What a merciful and gracious God we serve!
It has been way too long since I have written! However, God has been teaching me some awesome stuff that I am super excited to share. He has taught me the importance of relying on Him completely, that His plan is better than mine, and how to be content in my circumstances.
I will start by saying that in the past two or three months, God has completely derailed my plans. At first, this was a little disheartening because I thought I had it all figrued out. What I didn't realize is that I wasn't asking God if my plans were His plans, I was telling Him my plans had to be His plans because things were going just the way I wanted. Arrogant right? I know...After I got over the fact that I was wrong (this took some time due to my sinful pride) I realized that I was going about things all wrong. I wasn't praying "God show me want you want." I was praying "God this is what I want, so please make it happen." No wonder He changed my plans! He saw I needed a wakeup call. I am so thankful for a God who sees my needs before I do! Anyway, I have realized that I was relying on myself and other people to meet my needs. I was too proud to go to my Father and say: "Lord, I need you to show me the way."
After I admitted my sin, God showed me that he will supply my every need and He has! It is such a comfort to know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than anyone on this earth. He knows exactly what I need and takes care of that need. Often before I even ask. I am amazed that despite my lack of complete faith in Him, the Lord still constantly blesses me far more than I deserve. I have recently been reading through the gospel of Mark. As I read I am amazed at the disciples lack of understanding of Christ's teaching and a lack of faith in His power. After all the miracles they had seen Him perform with their own eyes, they were still afraid when Jesus calmed the storm in Mark chapter 4. Jesus said to them in verse 40 "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" However, it dawned on me that I am just like the disciples. I am sure there have been many instances in which God is looking at me saying those exact words. After all I have seen Him do through the work of the Holy Spirit in my own life, how can I still not trust Him? Why am I so afraid? The answer is simple: I have believed the lies that Satan has fed me: the lie that God is not enough, that He doesn't know what's best, that He can't use me because I am too shy, too young, or too weak. It's time that I take God at His word and stop believing the lies. God says in Ephesians 2:10 that He has created me for good works and that He knew before I was even born what these good works would be. I don't know how God will use me, but I know He knows and that's enough.
As if all that isn't enough, God has shown me that I can be content in any circumstance. I sometimes find myself getting caught up in comparing my life to the lives of other people my age and allowing myself to believe that because my life looks different from everyone else's my age (mainly that I am single and still living at home) there is something wrong with me. This isn't what God says. It's what society says. I'm not wrong for being content in my singleness. I am obeying God's word (through the help of the Holy Spirit) which says in I Timothy 6:6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment... I have no clue when or even if God will bring a man into my life, but I am not looking. At this point, I am more concerned with falling more and more in love with my Savior. There is a quote that says "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in." I believe that with all my heart. My prayer is that I will be so in love with my Creator that the man God has for me has to go through Him to get to my heart.
I feel like I have been rambling, but hopefully at least some of it made sense :) God is teaching me so much and I know that He will continue to do so. I pray that He will give me a teachable heart that is willing to be humbled and changed so that I can become more and more like Him.
Lately I have been struggling with something I think a lot of women struggle with. I have been feeling like my appearances are what give me worth and value. I know this isn't true, but I continuously fall prey to believing the lie that who I am is nothing more than what's on the outside.
A book I have been reading quoted a young woman who said "...That's not God's definition of true beauty and we shouldn't allow it to become ours." The world uses movies, magazines, advertisements, etc. to make us believe that we need to wear this or that, be thinner, or use this brand of makeup to make us attractive. It's NOT true!
1 Peter 3:3-4 is just one of the passages that defines God's standard of beauty: "Do not let your adorning bet external- the braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear- but let your adorning be with the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." This verse is posted on my mirror for me to see everyday. While it is a great reminder, I have come to realize it's not enough. I need to be constantly meditating on who God is and the love He has for me. My identity is in Christ. No beauty product will ever accomplish what He has done and will do in my life and yours. God's standard of beauty is a gentle and quiet spirit. My prayer is that He will give me the gentle spirit that He finds so beautiful.
For those of you who know my current situation, this title probably seems very strange. My grandpa went home to be with the Lord yesterday morning. Even though we knew it was coming, it still came as a shock to my family and me. However, I came across the following passage tonight and realized how badly I needed to hear it. Philippians 4:4,7 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice...And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Obviously, the circumstances make it pretty hard to rejoice. It would be much easier to be angry or question why God would take such a faithful servant. My grandpa was the most godly man I have ever known. I am so thankful for the testimony of his life. However, I am now realizing that God is working through his death too. Seeds have been and are constantly being planted because of the life and death of my grandpa whether it be the nurses hearing the Word being read to him in the hospital and in hospice, people witnessing my family praying and being thankful to the Lord for his goodness despite the circumstances, or even the strength my grandma has shown throughout the recent weeks.
We may never understand why God chose to bring my grandpa home when He did. However, I refuse to question His love and His goodness. Deuteronomy 7:9 says Know therefore that the Lord your God is God, the faithful god who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations. God is faithful in good times and bad. Psalm 16:2 I say to the Lord, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you."
November is a crazy month for everyone. In addition to preparing for the holidays, many of us are rushing to meet deadlines whether it be for school or work. Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed with the projects, presentations and papers that I am expected to complete in the next two weeks. However, God has shown me that in the grand scheme of things, I am stressing over things that don't really matter.
This past Sunday, my grandpa ended up in the hospital due to hemorrhaging in the brain. He is a wonderful spiritual leader in our family and a very strong man, so seeing him lying in a hospital bed, barely able to move, unable to speak clearly, and frustrated with the circumstances has been very difficult. However, the Lord is using this to remind me that my worries are completely foolish. God is in control of everything. He is good no matter what the circumstances. Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Everything that happens is part of His perfect plan. I have not been trusting in Him or His promise to work for the good of my family. While I am praying for my grandpa's healing, I am thankful for the reminder that I need to trust in God's perfect plan. His grace is enough.
2 Corinthains 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I know I have written a post similar to this before, but it really hit me today how much I struggle with the need to feel secure. I rely on things and people that God has blessed me with. I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying what God has given us, but when we stop and think about it, would losing something or someone affect our faith in the One who provides true security?
Hebrews 12: 26-29 says "At that time His voice shook the earth, but now He has promised, 'Yet once more I will shake not onlly the earth but also the heavens.' This phrase, 'Yet once more,' indicates the removal of things that are shaken-that is, things that have been made-in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire."
God shakes things up in our lives to show us what is eternal and what isn't. He wants to remind us that He is the only constant.
James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Malachi 3:6 "For I the Lord do not change..."
Our material posessions won't last, people will fail and disappoint us. The only hope we have for finding true security is found in the arms of the One who "will never leave you nor forsake you."
