It has been way too long since I have written! However, God has been teaching me some awesome stuff that I am super excited to share. He has taught me the importance of relying on Him completely, that His plan is better than mine, and how to be content in my circumstances.
I will start by saying that in the past two or three months, God has completely derailed my plans. At first, this was a little disheartening because I thought I had it all figrued out. What I didn't realize is that I wasn't asking God if my plans were His plans, I was telling Him my plans had to be His plans because things were going just the way I wanted. Arrogant right? I know...After I got over the fact that I was wrong (this took some time due to my sinful pride) I realized that I was going about things all wrong. I wasn't praying "God show me want you want." I was praying "God this is what I want, so please make it happen." No wonder He changed my plans! He saw I needed a wakeup call. I am so thankful for a God who sees my needs before I do! Anyway, I have realized that I was relying on myself and other people to meet my needs. I was too proud to go to my Father and say: "Lord, I need you to show me the way."
After I admitted my sin, God showed me that he will supply my every need and He has! It is such a comfort to know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than anyone on this earth. He knows exactly what I need and takes care of that need. Often before I even ask. I am amazed that despite my lack of complete faith in Him, the Lord still constantly blesses me far more than I deserve. I have recently been reading through the gospel of Mark. As I read I am amazed at the disciples lack of understanding of Christ's teaching and a lack of faith in His power. After all the miracles they had seen Him perform with their own eyes, they were still afraid when Jesus calmed the storm in Mark chapter 4. Jesus said to them in verse 40 "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" However, it dawned on me that I am just like the disciples. I am sure there have been many instances in which God is looking at me saying those exact words. After all I have seen Him do through the work of the Holy Spirit in my own life, how can I still not trust Him? Why am I so afraid? The answer is simple: I have believed the lies that Satan has fed me: the lie that God is not enough, that He doesn't know what's best, that He can't use me because I am too shy, too young, or too weak. It's time that I take God at His word and stop believing the lies. God says in Ephesians 2:10 that He has created me for good works and that He knew before I was even born what these good works would be. I don't know how God will use me, but I know He knows and that's enough.
As if all that isn't enough, God has shown me that I can be content in any circumstance. I sometimes find myself getting caught up in comparing my life to the lives of other people my age and allowing myself to believe that because my life looks different from everyone else's my age (mainly that I am single and still living at home) there is something wrong with me. This isn't what God says. It's what society says. I'm not wrong for being content in my singleness. I am obeying God's word (through the help of the Holy Spirit) which says in I Timothy 6:6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment... I have no clue when or even if God will bring a man into my life, but I am not looking. At this point, I am more concerned with falling more and more in love with my Savior. There is a quote that says "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in." I believe that with all my heart. My prayer is that I will be so in love with my Creator that the man God has for me has to go through Him to get to my heart.
I feel like I have been rambling, but hopefully at least some of it made sense :) God is teaching me so much and I know that He will continue to do so. I pray that He will give me a teachable heart that is willing to be humbled and changed so that I can become more and more like Him.
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