As most of you probably know, I am currently student teaching. I am in my second placement, which is a special education placement in what is considered a rougher school district. To say the least, it has been a very eye opening experience for me. It is heartbreaking to hear what some of these kids have been through in their short lives! It is even more heartbreaking to see how it affects them on a daily basis. There is one particular student who is making this experience more of a challenge than I had expected. After my first week in the classroom, I hadn't seen any outbursts from this student and thought that if I just showed him that I care about him that maybe things would improve for him.
My attitude changed last week after seeing two outbursts, one of which was aggressive toward the teacher. Immediately after the first outburst of swearing (he had not been aggressive this time),I began to pray for him. It brought tears to my eyes to hear such angry words out of such a young boy. After the second outburst (he swore and threw an object at the teacher's face) I began to feel my heart change toward this boy. I became afraid and almost angry toward him. However, after the message on Sunday (from Nehemiah) and my devotions tonight I have been deeply convicted about my attitude toward a child who deeply needs to be shown the love of Christ.
It is not my job to change the heart of this little boy. Only God can do that. However, I am called to love him. That being said, I realize that at this point, all I can really do is pray that God can help me see this child the same way he does and that He would change the boy's heart. Rather than question why God is allowing me to be in this classroom, I need to be asking Him to use me, whether it be in the life of this particular student or someone else in the school. I am where I am for a reason and I need to view it as an opportunity rather than a burden. I am so thankful for a God who cares enough to reveal my sinful heart! Not only that, but He sent His son to live a perfect life and take the penalty for my sin upon Himself, so that I might spend eternity with Him. What a merciful and gracious God we serve!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
My Sin, God's Grace
It has been way too long since I have written! However, God has been teaching me some awesome stuff that I am super excited to share. He has taught me the importance of relying on Him completely, that His plan is better than mine, and how to be content in my circumstances.
I will start by saying that in the past two or three months, God has completely derailed my plans. At first, this was a little disheartening because I thought I had it all figrued out. What I didn't realize is that I wasn't asking God if my plans were His plans, I was telling Him my plans had to be His plans because things were going just the way I wanted. Arrogant right? I know...After I got over the fact that I was wrong (this took some time due to my sinful pride) I realized that I was going about things all wrong. I wasn't praying "God show me want you want." I was praying "God this is what I want, so please make it happen." No wonder He changed my plans! He saw I needed a wakeup call. I am so thankful for a God who sees my needs before I do! Anyway, I have realized that I was relying on myself and other people to meet my needs. I was too proud to go to my Father and say: "Lord, I need you to show me the way."
After I admitted my sin, God showed me that he will supply my every need and He has! It is such a comfort to know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than anyone on this earth. He knows exactly what I need and takes care of that need. Often before I even ask. I am amazed that despite my lack of complete faith in Him, the Lord still constantly blesses me far more than I deserve. I have recently been reading through the gospel of Mark. As I read I am amazed at the disciples lack of understanding of Christ's teaching and a lack of faith in His power. After all the miracles they had seen Him perform with their own eyes, they were still afraid when Jesus calmed the storm in Mark chapter 4. Jesus said to them in verse 40 "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" However, it dawned on me that I am just like the disciples. I am sure there have been many instances in which God is looking at me saying those exact words. After all I have seen Him do through the work of the Holy Spirit in my own life, how can I still not trust Him? Why am I so afraid? The answer is simple: I have believed the lies that Satan has fed me: the lie that God is not enough, that He doesn't know what's best, that He can't use me because I am too shy, too young, or too weak. It's time that I take God at His word and stop believing the lies. God says in Ephesians 2:10 that He has created me for good works and that He knew before I was even born what these good works would be. I don't know how God will use me, but I know He knows and that's enough.
As if all that isn't enough, God has shown me that I can be content in any circumstance. I sometimes find myself getting caught up in comparing my life to the lives of other people my age and allowing myself to believe that because my life looks different from everyone else's my age (mainly that I am single and still living at home) there is something wrong with me. This isn't what God says. It's what society says. I'm not wrong for being content in my singleness. I am obeying God's word (through the help of the Holy Spirit) which says in I Timothy 6:6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment... I have no clue when or even if God will bring a man into my life, but I am not looking. At this point, I am more concerned with falling more and more in love with my Savior. There is a quote that says "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in." I believe that with all my heart. My prayer is that I will be so in love with my Creator that the man God has for me has to go through Him to get to my heart.
I feel like I have been rambling, but hopefully at least some of it made sense :) God is teaching me so much and I know that He will continue to do so. I pray that He will give me a teachable heart that is willing to be humbled and changed so that I can become more and more like Him.
I will start by saying that in the past two or three months, God has completely derailed my plans. At first, this was a little disheartening because I thought I had it all figrued out. What I didn't realize is that I wasn't asking God if my plans were His plans, I was telling Him my plans had to be His plans because things were going just the way I wanted. Arrogant right? I know...After I got over the fact that I was wrong (this took some time due to my sinful pride) I realized that I was going about things all wrong. I wasn't praying "God show me want you want." I was praying "God this is what I want, so please make it happen." No wonder He changed my plans! He saw I needed a wakeup call. I am so thankful for a God who sees my needs before I do! Anyway, I have realized that I was relying on myself and other people to meet my needs. I was too proud to go to my Father and say: "Lord, I need you to show me the way."
After I admitted my sin, God showed me that he will supply my every need and He has! It is such a comfort to know that I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than anyone on this earth. He knows exactly what I need and takes care of that need. Often before I even ask. I am amazed that despite my lack of complete faith in Him, the Lord still constantly blesses me far more than I deserve. I have recently been reading through the gospel of Mark. As I read I am amazed at the disciples lack of understanding of Christ's teaching and a lack of faith in His power. After all the miracles they had seen Him perform with their own eyes, they were still afraid when Jesus calmed the storm in Mark chapter 4. Jesus said to them in verse 40 "Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?" However, it dawned on me that I am just like the disciples. I am sure there have been many instances in which God is looking at me saying those exact words. After all I have seen Him do through the work of the Holy Spirit in my own life, how can I still not trust Him? Why am I so afraid? The answer is simple: I have believed the lies that Satan has fed me: the lie that God is not enough, that He doesn't know what's best, that He can't use me because I am too shy, too young, or too weak. It's time that I take God at His word and stop believing the lies. God says in Ephesians 2:10 that He has created me for good works and that He knew before I was even born what these good works would be. I don't know how God will use me, but I know He knows and that's enough.
As if all that isn't enough, God has shown me that I can be content in any circumstance. I sometimes find myself getting caught up in comparing my life to the lives of other people my age and allowing myself to believe that because my life looks different from everyone else's my age (mainly that I am single and still living at home) there is something wrong with me. This isn't what God says. It's what society says. I'm not wrong for being content in my singleness. I am obeying God's word (through the help of the Holy Spirit) which says in I Timothy 6:6 Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment... I have no clue when or even if God will bring a man into my life, but I am not looking. At this point, I am more concerned with falling more and more in love with my Savior. There is a quote that says "Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in." I believe that with all my heart. My prayer is that I will be so in love with my Creator that the man God has for me has to go through Him to get to my heart.
I feel like I have been rambling, but hopefully at least some of it made sense :) God is teaching me so much and I know that He will continue to do so. I pray that He will give me a teachable heart that is willing to be humbled and changed so that I can become more and more like Him.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)