As most of you probably know, I am currently student teaching. I am in my second placement, which is a special education placement in what is considered a rougher school district. To say the least, it has been a very eye opening experience for me. It is heartbreaking to hear what some of these kids have been through in their short lives! It is even more heartbreaking to see how it affects them on a daily basis. There is one particular student who is making this experience more of a challenge than I had expected. After my first week in the classroom, I hadn't seen any outbursts from this student and thought that if I just showed him that I care about him that maybe things would improve for him.
My attitude changed last week after seeing two outbursts, one of which was aggressive toward the teacher. Immediately after the first outburst of swearing (he had not been aggressive this time),I began to pray for him. It brought tears to my eyes to hear such angry words out of such a young boy. After the second outburst (he swore and threw an object at the teacher's face) I began to feel my heart change toward this boy. I became afraid and almost angry toward him. However, after the message on Sunday (from Nehemiah) and my devotions tonight I have been deeply convicted about my attitude toward a child who deeply needs to be shown the love of Christ.
It is not my job to change the heart of this little boy. Only God can do that. However, I am called to love him. That being said, I realize that at this point, all I can really do is pray that God can help me see this child the same way he does and that He would change the boy's heart. Rather than question why God is allowing me to be in this classroom, I need to be asking Him to use me, whether it be in the life of this particular student or someone else in the school. I am where I am for a reason and I need to view it as an opportunity rather than a burden. I am so thankful for a God who cares enough to reveal my sinful heart! Not only that, but He sent His son to live a perfect life and take the penalty for my sin upon Himself, so that I might spend eternity with Him. What a merciful and gracious God we serve!
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